(The infamous 2 MINUTE HAGGADAH)
Opening Prayer
Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine).
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley).
Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we are free. That's why we're doing this.
Four Questions:
1. What's up with the matzah?
2. What's the deal with the horseradish?
3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?
Four Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It's called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.
A funny story:
Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)
The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise Child--Explain Passover.
Simple child--Explain Passover slowly.
Silent child--Explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child--Browbeat in front of the relatives (not really-just give them "the look". They know who they are).
Speaking of children:
We hide some Matzah. We call it the "afikomen". Whoever finds it gets 5 bucks (or whatever you pick up in the $ store). Some people call it "the gift for sitting through the seder".
The story of Passover:
It's was a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh was a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues(really bad stuff) upon the Egyptians. We escape,& bake some matzah, then head for the desert. The Egyptians chase us. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through, the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)
The 10 Plagues:
Blood, Frogs, Lice--you name it.
The singing of "Dayenu"(which means "enough").
If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If He'd punished our enemies, and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough. If he'd parted the Red Sea-------ETC..... (Remove the gefilte fish from the refrigerator now.)
Eat Matzah, Drink more wine, Slouch.
Thanks again, God, for everything.
(Serve meal). Enjoy!!!!
If your child, grandchild or any little one is celebrating their "FIRST PASSOVER' - Think about getting our FIRST PASSOVER BIB from http://www.Names2u.com/catalog/index.php?cPath=67_157 That's my gift to you for sitting through the seder politely & the week of indigestion that follows :)
Sharon Blumenthal
The Present Pro
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