New Jewish Words

Jewbilation (n..) Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Hagadah at Passover)

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper.

Deja Nu( n.) Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta(n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Hebort(v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo(n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make..

Meinstein- slang. "My son, the genius!"

Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement(n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na( n.) A rock 'n roll band from Jewish Brooklyn .

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John , Curtis, Davis or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going t o incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.

Impasta ( n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover.

Kinders Shlep(v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.

Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

Shofarsogut(n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Feel free to add some "new Jewish words" of your own in the comment section :)

If you want, you can go to : http://www.Names2u.com & put your "new Jewish words" on gifts for your family & friends ie: coasters, keyrings, mugs, mousepads, etc. Check out the site & we will help you make the most original gifts.

Subject: Gov of Hawaii
I was not aware the governor of Hawaii was a woman and Jewish, were you?

She makes time for her scheduler, her cabinet and her closest advisers, of
course. but every Monday morning, Gov. Linda Lingle sits down to a meeting
unlike any other during the week.

It's with her rabbi.

Lingle's gubernatorial victory last November made her a pioneer in many
ways.

She is the first Republican to govern Hawaii in 40 years and the first
woman ever.

And she's the first Jewish governor there and only the second female
Jewish governor in U.S. history.

Lingle is hesitant to be labeled only by her religion, but she is quick to
say her faith helps define her. Judaism is a facet of Lingle's
identity
that she says shapes her leadership perhaps more than being a woman or a
Republican.
"Anyone who was raised in a Jewish family, I think, would feel the same
way," Lingle said.

Lingle's religion was never an issue during her campaign, and it seldom
garners any attention now.

At her inauguration, a rabbi gave an invocation, but so did a number of
Christian leaders.

Lingle attended a public menorah-lighting during Hanukkah and last April
took part in a Passover Seder at the governor's mansion.

On Fridays, a rabbi arrives at Lingle's office with fresh-baked challah
bread for Shabbat.

And in the entryway to the governor's home, a mezuzah has been affixed in
the doorway.
"She handles it the way Linda Lingle handles most things," said Neil
Milner, a political science professor at the University of Hawaii . "She
doesn't make a big thing out of it, she doesn't wear it on her
sleeve."

It's a similar public approach to that of the nation's only other sitting
Jewish governor - Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell.

Fewer than 20 Jews have been elected their state's chief executive since
David Emanuel won Georgia 's race in 1801.
Some, like Idaho 's Moses Alexander who helped establish Idaho 's first
synagogue after taking office in 1915, have particularly bolstered their
faith's community.

Lingle has no similar goal for Hawaii 's Jews - who make up fewer than 1
percent of the state's residents.

She said raising the profile of her faith is "not something conscious that
I'd like to set out to do."

Lingle grew up in St. Louis , where she attended services and Sunday
school,
saving her dimes to plant trees in Israel .

Her family later moved to California , and after college, Lingle moved to
Hawaii
She eventually became a councilwoman, then mayor in Maui
County

She narrowly lost a gubernatorial bid in 1998, but when she ran again four
years later, backed by the bigges
t campaign fund in state history, Lingle
emerged a winner.

Her victory ended four decades of virtual one-party rule in Hawaii by the
Democrats, who were plagued by a slow economy, declining state tax
revenue,
weakened union political clout and a string of corruption scandals.

Lingle promised to improve public education and to restore trust in
government.
And while she probably could have won without the extra help, she also
gained the backing of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee as well
as Jews in California , New York and Florida .

Even the Jerusalem Post featured her in a story.

"I think she sets the example for so many groups that are
underrepresented," said Laura Stein, a lawyer who supported Lingle's
candidacy.

"She's like three for one."
Lingle's moderate political stance helps in
her
appeal to a group that typically votes Democratic.
She supports abortion rights and opposes capital punishment.

But even Jews who find themselves at odds with the governor's political
views say they take some pride in Lingle's rise.

"It demonstrates that Hawaii will continue its tradition of tolerance and
inclusiveness," said Democratic state Rep. Brian Schatz. "For that, I
think we all were proud."

Irving, the amazing Jewish dog

Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem.

"Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem."

"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty."He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.

"Watch this!"

Morty points to the dog and commands: " Irving , Fetch!"Irving , the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house , a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?"

Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch."

L'Shana Tova-Happy Healthy New Year to all

"May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your psychiatrist, your optometrist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your gynecologist, your podiatrist, your plumber and the IRS.

May your hair, your teeth, your facelift, your abs, your honey cakes, and your stocks not fall and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight and your mortgage interest rates not rise.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour and when you get there, may you find a parking space.

May what we see in the mirror delight us and what others see in us, delight them.

May someone, as well as G-d, love us enough to forgive our faults, be blind to our blemishes and tell the world about our virtues.

May the telemarketers wait until after we finish dinner to call us.

May our checkbooks and budgets balance and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May we remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to our spouse, our children grandchildren, our parents, all of our significant others

And may the Messiah come this year, and if he/she does not, may we live as if he/she has, in a world at peace, with awareness of G-d's love in every sunset, flower, baby's smile, lover's kiss, and every wonderful astonishing beat of our heart.

May we smile and laugh often throughout the year.

L'Shana Tova."

Grand Re-Opening-In our lifetime!

Grand Reopening. ...
Did you think you would ever see this in your lifetime ?

Germany's biggest synagogue, on Rykestrasse in Berlin, has reopened after a lavish restoration.

The synagogue was set ablaze on Kristallnacht,or the Night of Broken Glass, in 1938. ''Friday's inauguration saw rabbis bringing the Torah to the synagogue, in a ceremony witnessed by political leaders & Holocaust survivors from around the world.

The synagogue, with a 1,200-person capacity, has been described as one of the jewels of Germany's Jewish community. Rabbi Chaim Roswaski, who presided at the ceremony, described the reconstruction as 'a miracle.'

Restoration of the neo-classical building,which is more than 100 years old, cost more than 45m eros, ($60m).

The reopening comes at the start of a Jewish Culture Festival in the capital.

Did you ever think you would see this in your lifetime?

As always, we welcome your comments & additions. Be Proud to be a Jew!!!

The Blue Pigeon

The mayor of Haifa was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Haifa. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Haifa was full of pigeon poop; the people of Haifa could not walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me $1 million to ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly, and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue sky. All the pigeons in Haifa saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Haifa pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city. The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful and miraculous service to rid Haifa of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for $1 million and told the man that,indeed, he did have a question to ask, and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the $1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?Nooooooo!
The mayor asked:

"Do you have a blue Arab?"

It's Our Land... by Benjamin Netanyahu

It's our land...By: Benjamin Netanyahu

Benjamin Netanyahu gave an interview and was asked about Israel 's occupation of Arab lands.
His response was "It's our land."

The reporter (CNN or the like) was stunned - read below "It's our land..." It's important information since we don't get fair and accurate reporting from the media and facts tend to get lost in the jumble of daily events.

"Crash Course on the Arab Israeli Conflict."
Here are overlooked facts in the current Middle East situation.

These were compiled by a Christian university professor:
BRIEF FACTS ON THE ISRAELI CONFLICT TODAY.... ( It takes just 1.5 minutes to read!!!! )
It makes sense and it's not slanted. Jew and non-Jew -- it doesn't matter.
1. Nationhood and Jerusalem . Israel became a nation in 1312 BCE, Two thousand years before the rise of Islam.
2. Arab refugees in Israel began identifying themselves as part of a Palestinian people in 1967, two decades after the establishment of the modern State of Israel .
3. Since the Jewish conquest in 1272 BCE, the Jews have had dominion over the land for one thousand years with a continuous presence in the land for the past 3,300 years.
4. The only Arab dominion since the conquest in 635 CE lasted no more than 22 years.
5. For over 3,300 years, Jerusalem has been the Jew ish capital Jerusalem has never been the capital of any Arab or Muslim entity. Even when the Jordanians occupied Jerusalem , they never sought to make it their capital, and Arab leaders did not come to visit.
6. Jerusalem is mentioned over 700 times in Tanach, the Jewish Holy Scriptures. Jerusalem is not mentioned once in the Koran.
7. King David founded the city of Jerusalem . Mohammed never came to Jerusalem .
8. Jews pray facing Jerusalem . Muslims pray with their backs toward Jerusalem .
9. Arab and Jewish Refugees: in 1948 the Arab refugees were encouraged to leave Israel by Arab leaders promising to purge the land of Jews . Sixty-eight percent left without ever seeing an Israeli soldier.
10 The Jewish refugees were forced to flee from Arab lands due to Arab brutality, persecution and pogroms.
11. The number of Arab refugees who left Israel in 1948 is estimated to be around 630,000. The number of Jewish refugees from Arab lands is estimated to be the same.
12. Arab refugees were INTENTIONALLY not absorbed or integrated into the Arab lands to which they fled, despite the vast Arab territory. Out of the 100,000,000 refugees since World War II, theirs is the only refugee group in the world that has never been absorbed or integrated into their own people's lands. Jewish refugees were completely absorbed into Israel , a country no larger than the state of New Jersey .
13. The Arab-Israeli Conflict: the Arabs are represented by eight separate nations, not including the Palestinians. There is only one Jewish nation. The Arab nations initiated all five wars and lost. Israel defended itself each time and won.
14. The PLO's Charter still calls for the destruction of the State of Israel . Israel has given the Palestinians most of the West Bank land, autonomy under the Palestinian Authority, and has supplied them.
15. Under Jordanian rule, Jewish holy sites were desecrated and the Jews were denied access to places of worship. Under Israeli rule, all Muslim and Christian sites have been preserved and made accessible to people of all faiths.
16. The UN Record on Israel and the Arabs: of the 175 Security Council resolutions passed before 1990, 97 were directed against Israel .
17. Of the 690 General Assembly reso lutions voted on before 1990, 429 were directed against Israel .
18. The UN was silent while 58 Jerusalem Synagogues were destroyed by the Jordanians.
19. The UN was silent while the Jordanians systematically desecrated the ancient Jewish cemetery on the Mount of Olives.
20. The UN was silent while the Jordanians enforced an apartheid-like a policy of preventing Jews from visiting the Temple Mount and the Western Wall.

These are incredible times. We have to ask what our role should be. What will we tell our grandchildren about we did when there was a turning point in Jewish destiny, an opportunity to make a difference?