Sunday, December 13, 2009

Chutzpah




Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it’s Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes, “no other
word, and no other language,” can do it justice. This example is better than 1,000 words . . .

THE ESSENCE OF CHUTZPAH A A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.

And this went on for more then 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day, as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

"Sir, thank you for your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents."

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Twas the Night Before Chanukah...

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHANUKAH...

OY! WHAT A SHOCK!SOMEBODY OUTSIDE WAS PICKING OUR LOCK!

AND THERE AT THE DOOR STOOD A 'ZAYDA'(a grandpa) IN BLUE-
AND HE WORE ON HIS KOPP (head) A BLUE YARMULKA, TOO!

HIS PUNIM (face) WAS SHAIN (pretty) - EVERYBODY WOULD LOVE IT!
'ROUND HIS NECK HUNG A CHAIN WITH A GOLD MOGEN DOVID! (Star of David)

HE WORE SILKEN TSITZES (fringed shawl) BENEATH HIS WOOL VEST,
AND A SMALL FLAG OF ISRAEL WAS DRAPED ON HIS CHEST!

HE SAID: "I'M NO BURGLAR,SO PLEASE DON'T BE NERVOUS.
I'M THE SPIRIT OF CHANUKAH, HERE AT OUR SERVICE!"

"MENCHEN ( people) ALL CALL ME 'REB' SHALOM SHAPIRO!
WITHOUT ME, THIS YOM-TOV (holiday) MIGHT NEED A NEW 'HERO!'"

"I VISIT ALL YIDLACH, (Jews) AND BRING - KINE AYIN HORE (no evil eye)-
GOOD FORTUNE AS BRIGHT AS A GLOWING MENORAH!"

"ICH SHLEPP LOTS OF BLESSINGS AND CHANUKAH GELT (coins),
AND JOYS THAT ARE TAKKE (really)THE BEST IN DER VELT!"(in the world)

"IF YOU KNOW NICE MENCHEN (people), I'LL VISIT THEM QUICK,
AND I'LL BRING THEM GEZUNT (health) AND A HOUSEFUL OF GLICK! "(luck)

SO WE SENT HIM TO YOUR HOUSE,AND SHOOK HANDS AND PARTED.
HE SHOUTED, "SHALOM!" OUT THE DOORWAY HE DARTED!

HE RAN TO A WAGON WITH HORSES AHEAD. HE FED THEM SOME BAGELS,
AND HERE'S WHAT HE SAID:

"LET'S GO, MOISH AND MENDEL! MAKE QUICK, MOE AND YUSSLE!
PLEASE GIVE A RUSH, MALKAH! HEY, HYMIE, PLEASE HUSTLE!"

THEN THEY RACED LIKE THE WIND!AND THEY GALLOPED SO SHNELL, (quickly)
ALL HIS CLOTHING BLEW OFF, AND HIS GATKES AS WELL! (underwear)

SOON HE WAS SO KALT (cold) THAT HIS TUSHIE TURNED BLUISH!
HE MOANED AND HE HOLLERED IN ENGLISH AND JEWISH!

SO, DON'T ACT EMBARRASSED,AND PLEASE DON'T BE RUDE
WHEN THAT FROSTBITTEN ZAYDA ARRIVES IN THE NUDE!

QUICK! WRAP HIM IN BLANKETS! DON'T BEAT 'ROUND THE BUSH'!
AND TIE A HOT WATER BAG ON HIS COLD TUSH!

QUICK! FEED HIM SOME CHICKEN SOUP HEISS (hot) AS CAN BE!
AND GIVE HIM SOME SHNAPPS (liquor) AND A GLEZ'L (glass) HOT TEA!

'CAUSE HE BRINGS YOU A HOUSEFUL OF CHANUKAH WISHES
AS WARM AND GESHMUCK (tasty)AS PLATE OF HOT KNISHES!

AND HE BRINGS THEM FROM OUR HOUSE SO FRIENDLY AND BRIGHT,
SO YOUR HOUSE WILL KEEP GLOWING WITH CHANUKAH LIGHT.

PLUS JOY SWEET AS TSUKKER (sugar), AND PEACE AND GOOD-CHEER
AND EVERYTHING FRAYLACH EACH DAY OF THE YEAR!

AND NONE IN YOUR FAMILY WILL BE A SHLEMAZEL,
FOR LIFE WILL BRING EACH OF YOU SIMCHAS AND MAZEL (Good luck)!

AND ALL THROUGH THE FUTURE YOUR HOPES WILL COME TRUE,
AND HIMMEL (G-d in heaven) WILL BLESS YOUR MISHPOCHA (family) AND YOU!!!

Monday, November 16, 2009

New Jewish Words

Jewbilation (n..) Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Hagadah at Passover)

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper.

Deja Nu( n.) Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta(n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Hebort(v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo(n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make..

Meinstein- slang. "My son, the genius!"

Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement(n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na( n.) A rock 'n roll band from Jewish Brooklyn .

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John , Curtis, Davis or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going t o incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.

Impasta ( n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover.

Kinders Shlep(v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.

Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

Shofarsogut(n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Feel free to add some "new Jewish words" of your own in the comment section :)

If you want, you can go to : http://www.Names2u.com & put your "new Jewish words" on gifts for your family & friends ie: coasters, keyrings, mugs, mousepads, etc. Check out the site & we will help you make the most original gifts.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Subject: Gov of Hawaii
I was not aware the governor of Hawaii was a woman and Jewish, were you?

She makes time for her scheduler, her cabinet and her closest advisers, of
course. but every Monday morning, Gov. Linda Lingle sits down to a meeting
unlike any other during the week.

It's with her rabbi.

Lingle's gubernatorial victory last November made her a pioneer in many
ways.

She is the first Republican to govern Hawaii in 40 years and the first
woman ever.

And she's the first Jewish governor there and only the second female
Jewish governor in U.S. history.

Lingle is hesitant to be labeled only by her religion, but she is quick to
say her faith helps define her. Judaism is a facet of Lingle's
identity
that she says shapes her leadership perhaps more than being a woman or a
Republican.
"Anyone who was raised in a Jewish family, I think, would feel the same
way," Lingle said.

Lingle's religion was never an issue during her campaign, and it seldom
garners any attention now.

At her inauguration, a rabbi gave an invocation, but so did a number of
Christian leaders.

Lingle attended a public menorah-lighting during Hanukkah and last April
took part in a Passover Seder at the governor's mansion.

On Fridays, a rabbi arrives at Lingle's office with fresh-baked challah
bread for Shabbat.

And in the entryway to the governor's home, a mezuzah has been affixed in
the doorway.
"She handles it the way Linda Lingle handles most things," said Neil
Milner, a political science professor at the University of Hawaii . "She
doesn't make a big thing out of it, she doesn't wear it on her
sleeve."

It's a similar public approach to that of the nation's only other sitting
Jewish governor - Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell.

Fewer than 20 Jews have been elected their state's chief executive since
David Emanuel won Georgia 's race in 1801.
Some, like Idaho 's Moses Alexander who helped establish Idaho 's first
synagogue after taking office in 1915, have particularly bolstered their
faith's community.

Lingle has no similar goal for Hawaii 's Jews - who make up fewer than 1
percent of the state's residents.

She said raising the profile of her faith is "not something conscious that
I'd like to set out to do."

Lingle grew up in St. Louis , where she attended services and Sunday
school,
saving her dimes to plant trees in Israel .

Her family later moved to California , and after college, Lingle moved to
Hawaii
She eventually became a councilwoman, then mayor in Maui
County

She narrowly lost a gubernatorial bid in 1998, but when she ran again four
years later, backed by the bigges
t campaign fund in state history, Lingle
emerged a winner.

Her victory ended four decades of virtual one-party rule in Hawaii by the
Democrats, who were plagued by a slow economy, declining state tax
revenue,
weakened union political clout and a string of corruption scandals.

Lingle promised to improve public education and to restore trust in
government.
And while she probably could have won without the extra help, she also
gained the backing of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee as well
as Jews in California , New York and Florida .

Even the Jerusalem Post featured her in a story.

"I think she sets the example for so many groups that are
underrepresented," said Laura Stein, a lawyer who supported Lingle's
candidacy.

"She's like three for one."
Lingle's moderate political stance helps in
her
appeal to a group that typically votes Democratic.
She supports abortion rights and opposes capital punishment.

But even Jews who find themselves at odds with the governor's political
views say they take some pride in Lingle's rise.

"It demonstrates that Hawaii will continue its tradition of tolerance and
inclusiveness," said Democratic state Rep. Brian Schatz. "For that, I
think we all were proud."

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Irving, the amazing Jewish dog



Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem.

"Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem."

"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty."He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.

"Watch this!"

Morty points to the dog and commands: " Irving , Fetch!"Irving , the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house , a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?"

Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch."

Monday, September 14, 2009

L'Shana Tova-Happy Healthy New Year to all




"May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your psychiatrist, your optometrist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your gynecologist, your podiatrist, your plumber and the IRS.

May your hair, your teeth, your facelift, your abs, your honey cakes, and your stocks not fall and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight and your mortgage interest rates not rise.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour and when you get there, may you find a parking space.

May what we see in the mirror delight us and what others see in us, delight them.

May someone, as well as G-d, love us enough to forgive our faults, be blind to our blemishes and tell the world about our virtues.

May the telemarketers wait until after we finish dinner to call us.

May our checkbooks and budgets balance and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May we remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to our spouse, our children grandchildren, our parents, all of our significant others

And may the Messiah come this year, and if he/she does not, may we live as if he/she has, in a world at peace, with awareness of G-d's love in every sunset, flower, baby's smile, lover's kiss, and every wonderful astonishing beat of our heart.

May we smile and laugh often throughout the year.

L'Shana Tova."

Monday, July 27, 2009

Grand Re-Opening-In our lifetime!

Grand Reopening. ...
Did you think you would ever see this in your lifetime ?


Germany's biggest synagogue, on Rykestrasse in Berlin, has reopened after a lavish restoration.



The synagogue was set ablaze on Kristallnacht,or the Night of Broken Glass, in 1938. ''Friday's inauguration saw rabbis bringing the Torah to the synagogue, in a ceremony witnessed by political leaders & Holocaust survivors from around the world.



The synagogue, with a 1,200-person capacity, has been described as one of the jewels of Germany's Jewish community. Rabbi Chaim Roswaski, who presided at the ceremony, described the reconstruction as 'a miracle.'

Restoration of the neo-classical building,which is more than 100 years old, cost more than 45m eros, ($60m).


The reopening comes at the start of a Jewish Culture Festival in the capital.

Did you ever think you would see this in your lifetime?

As always, we welcome your comments & additions. Be Proud to be a Jew!!!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Blue Pigeon

The mayor of Haifa was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Haifa. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Haifa was full of pigeon poop; the people of Haifa could not walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me $1 million to ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly, and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue sky. All the pigeons in Haifa saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Haifa pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city. The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful and miraculous service to rid Haifa of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for $1 million and told the man that,indeed, he did have a question to ask, and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the $1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?Nooooooo!
The mayor asked:

"Do you have a blue Arab?"

Friday, June 5, 2009

It's Our Land... by Benjamin Netanyahu

It's our land...By: Benjamin Netanyahu

Benjamin Netanyahu gave an interview and was asked about Israel 's occupation of Arab lands.
His response was "It's our land."

The reporter (CNN or the like) was stunned - read below "It's our land..." It's important information since we don't get fair and accurate reporting from the media and facts tend to get lost in the jumble of daily events.

"Crash Course on the Arab Israeli Conflict."
Here are overlooked facts in the current Middle East situation.

These were compiled by a Christian university professor:
BRIEF FACTS ON THE ISRAELI CONFLICT TODAY.... ( It takes just 1.5 minutes to read!!!! )
It makes sense and it's not slanted. Jew and non-Jew -- it doesn't matter.
1. Nationhood and Jerusalem . Israel became a nation in 1312 BCE, Two thousand years before the rise of Islam.
2. Arab refugees in Israel began identifying themselves as part of a Palestinian people in 1967, two decades after the establishment of the modern State of Israel .
3. Since the Jewish conquest in 1272 BCE, the Jews have had dominion over the land for one thousand years with a continuous presence in the land for the past 3,300 years.
4. The only Arab dominion since the conquest in 635 CE lasted no more than 22 years.
5. For over 3,300 years, Jerusalem has been the Jew ish capital Jerusalem has never been the capital of any Arab or Muslim entity. Even when the Jordanians occupied Jerusalem , they never sought to make it their capital, and Arab leaders did not come to visit.
6. Jerusalem is mentioned over 700 times in Tanach, the Jewish Holy Scriptures. Jerusalem is not mentioned once in the Koran.
7. King David founded the city of Jerusalem . Mohammed never came to Jerusalem .
8. Jews pray facing Jerusalem . Muslims pray with their backs toward Jerusalem .
9. Arab and Jewish Refugees: in 1948 the Arab refugees were encouraged to leave Israel by Arab leaders promising to purge the land of Jews . Sixty-eight percent left without ever seeing an Israeli soldier.
10 The Jewish refugees were forced to flee from Arab lands due to Arab brutality, persecution and pogroms.
11. The number of Arab refugees who left Israel in 1948 is estimated to be around 630,000. The number of Jewish refugees from Arab lands is estimated to be the same.
12. Arab refugees were INTENTIONALLY not absorbed or integrated into the Arab lands to which they fled, despite the vast Arab territory. Out of the 100,000,000 refugees since World War II, theirs is the only refugee group in the world that has never been absorbed or integrated into their own people's lands. Jewish refugees were completely absorbed into Israel , a country no larger than the state of New Jersey .
13. The Arab-Israeli Conflict: the Arabs are represented by eight separate nations, not including the Palestinians. There is only one Jewish nation. The Arab nations initiated all five wars and lost. Israel defended itself each time and won.
14. The PLO's Charter still calls for the destruction of the State of Israel . Israel has given the Palestinians most of the West Bank land, autonomy under the Palestinian Authority, and has supplied them.
15. Under Jordanian rule, Jewish holy sites were desecrated and the Jews were denied access to places of worship. Under Israeli rule, all Muslim and Christian sites have been preserved and made accessible to people of all faiths.
16. The UN Record on Israel and the Arabs: of the 175 Security Council resolutions passed before 1990, 97 were directed against Israel .
17. Of the 690 General Assembly reso lutions voted on before 1990, 429 were directed against Israel .
18. The UN was silent while 58 Jerusalem Synagogues were destroyed by the Jordanians.
19. The UN was silent while the Jordanians systematically desecrated the ancient Jewish cemetery on the Mount of Olives.
20. The UN was silent while the Jordanians enforced an apartheid-like a policy of preventing Jews from visiting the Temple Mount and the Western Wall.

These are incredible times. We have to ask what our role should be. What will we tell our grandchildren about we did when there was a turning point in Jewish destiny, an opportunity to make a difference?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I am a Jew

Our condition, in Israel , has never been better than it is now! Only the television and the media make people think that the end of the world is near..

Only 65 years ago, Jews were brought to death like sheep to slaughter. NO country, NO army Only 60 years ago, seven Arab countries declared war on little Israel , the Jewish State, just a few hours after it was established. We were 650,000 Jews against the rest of the Arab world. No IDF (Israeli Defense Forces) or Air Force. We were only a small group of stubborn people with nowhere to go. Remember: Lebanon , Syria , Iraq , Jordan , Egypt , Libya , and Saudi Arabia, they all attacked at once The state that the United Nations "gave" us was 65% desert We started it from zero.

Only 41 years ago, we fought three of the strongest countries in the Middle East , and we crushed them in the Six Day War. Over the years we fought different coalitions of Arab countries with modern armies and with huge amounts of Russian-Soviet ammunition, and we still won. Today we have a beautiful country, a powerful Army, a strong Air Force, an adequate Navy and a thriving high tech industry. Intel, Microsoft, and IBM have all developed their businesses here. Our doctors have won important prizes in the medical development field. We turned the desert into a prosperous land. We sell oranges, flowers, and vegetables around the world. We launched our own satellite! Three satellites at once! We are in good company; together with the USA (280 million residents), Russia (220 million residents), China (1.3 billion residents) and Europe ( France , England and Germany 35 million residents), we are one of the only countries in the world that have launched something into space! Israel today is among the few powerful countries that have nuclear technology & capabilities. ( We will never admit it, but everyone knows.)

To think that only 65 years ago we were disgraced and hopeless. We crawled out from the burning crematoriums of Europe . We won in all our wars. With a little bit of nothing we built an empire. Who are Khaled Mashal (leader of Hamas) or Hassan Nasrallah (leader of Hezbollah) trying to frighten us? They are amusing us.

As we celebrate Independence Day, let's not forget what this holy day is all about; we overcame everything.. We overcame the Greeks, We overcame the Romans, We overcame the Spanish Inquisition, We overcame the Russians pogrom, We overcame Hitler, we overcame Germany and overcame the Holocaust, We overcame the armies of seven countries.

Relax chevray (friends), we will overcome our current enemies. Never mind where you look in human history. Think about it, the Jewish nation, our condition has never been better than now. So let's lift our heads up and remember: Never mind which country or culture tries to harm us or erase us from the world. We will still exist and persevere. Egypt ? Anyone know where the Egyptian empire disappeared to? The Greeks? Alexander Macedon? The Romans? Is anyone speaking Latin today? The Third Reich? Did anyone hear news from them lately? And look at us, the Bible nation – from slavery in Egypt , we are still here, still speaking the same language. Exactly here, exactly now. Maybe The Arabs don't know it yet, but we are an eternal nation. All the time that we will keep our identity, we will stay eternal. So, sorry that we are not worrying, complaining, crying, or fearing…

Business here is beseder (fine). It can definitely be much better, but it is still fine. Don't pay attention to the nonsense in the media, they will not tell you about our festivals here in Israel or about the people that continue living, going out, meeting friends. Yes, sometimes morale is down, so what? This is only because we are mourning the dead while they are celebrating spilled blood. And this is the reason we will win after all. You are all part of our force to keep our existence. May this help us lift our heads up and be proud to say: I AM A JEW .

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Kirk Douglas-aka Issur Danielovitch

Los Angeles - Over the course of an illustrious Hollywood career spanning more than five decades, Kirk Douglas has played many parts: Vincent Van Gogh, Spartacus and boxer Midge Kelly, to name just a formidable few. But the one character he has never played - to his deep regret, he now says - was that of Issur Danielovitch, his own former self.

Douglas revealed this, and much more, when he opened his Beverly Hills, Calif., home to the Forward for a wide-ranging chat in advance of his newly released memoir, "Let's Face It: 90 Years of Living, Loving, and Learning" (John Wiley & Sons). Wearing a pale-green cotton sweater, khaki pants and tan canvas Vans, the cleft-chinned former Adonis of the silver screen chatted with us about the importance of living a good life, how to sustain a marriage. But Douglas reserved his most ardent feelings for a topic that has become close to his heart: the renewed state of his Jewish identity. " Now" he writes in his book, "I feel guilty for abandoning Issur Danielovitch.."

It was clear from Douglas 's desire to share his reflections on life - both in person, with a reporter, and on the printed page - that he is painfully aware he is nearing his end.. The book, in fact, reads like a self-conscious swan song: a final burst of thoughts and opinions on everything from Jimmy Carter's recent tome on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, to the tragic death of Douglas 's son Eric, three years ago, from a drug overdose. But the book also showcases the vitality and verve still fueling the man who helped break the Hollywood blacklist when he hired Dalton Trumbo to pen the film "Spartacus": It is sprinkled with a hefty smattering of salacious anecdotes from Douglas's salad days as a young Hollywood buck - the days when he was known to most women under 30 as someone other than Michael Douglas's father.

With slightly slurred speech - the result of a stroke he suffered in 1996 - Douglas waxed poetic about more serious topics, as well, including his own history.. The child of Russian immigrant parents, he grew up in a Yiddish-speaking home in Amsterdam, N.Y., a small upstate town, where he endured daily run-ins with a street gang who pelted him with pebbles wrapped in women's stockings, and called him such names as "Jew bastard" as he walked home from Hebrew school. He was also a promising student of the Torah who had to beat back his community's efforts to ship him off to yeshiva.

Douglas first rediscovered Judaism after being in a helicopter crash in 1991. He reconnected with his roots, and had a second bar mitzvah at the age of 83. Now he studies weekly with Rabbi David Wolpe, a Conservative rabbi who occupies the pulpit at Los Angeles 's Sinai Temple .. Douglas has also has emerged as a committed Jewish philanthropist, giving money to rebuild playgrounds in Israel - in both Arab and Jewish neighborhoods - and to a multimedia theater at a Jewish outreach organizationAish HaTorah's World Center in Jerusalem, where visitors learn about the history of the Western Wall.

Because Douglas married two non-Jewish women, none of his four sons is technically Jewish, nor were they taught any of the customs and traditions. While Douglas contends in his book that he is not bothered by the fact that his children aren't Jewish, saying he cares only that they do good in the world, in person he is more candid.

When I asked, sitting in his sprawling front parlor in front of an abstract Robert Rauschenberg painting that contains the word "kosher" in bold letters, whether he is truly remorseless about not having Jewish offspring, he back-pedaled. "That's half-correct" Douglas admitted. "You see in the entrance to my home that I have a mezuzah" he said, pointing to the front door. "In it, it says you should teach your children. I never did that."


But if his sons Peter, Michael and Joel do not practice his religion - Eric was eventually bar mitzvahed during a stint in rehab - "they are" he said, "acutely aware that their father is Jewish". Resting on a bookshelf, above a copy of Leon Uris's Holocaust tale,QB VII, prominently displayed in the inner sitting room, is an ornate menorah in violet, and peach-colored flower buds candleholders - a gift from Michael, on the occasion of his father's 90th birthday. "They've given me so many menorahs, I have to laugh," Douglas said referring to his children. (For his 86th birthday, he added," Michael had 86 trees planted in Israel " in his father's name.)

But it is Douglas 's German-born wife of 53 years, Anne, who may have given him the biggest Jewish-themed gift of all. On the occasion of their "second wedding," commemorating their 50th anniversary, Anne announced that she was converting.

Judaism may have even skipped a generation in the Douglas line. His 14-year-old granddaughter, Kelsey, decided without any prompting that she wanted to have a bat mitzvah. Douglas said that at first he wasn't convinced of her seriousness, thinking that she just wanted the extravagant party, but he was proved wrong. She studied hard to learn her Torah portion, he said, and now, even her 11-year-old brother, Tyler, is talking about having a bar mitzvah.

Douglas 's final book - his ninth in a slate that includes two novels - is dedicated to his seven grandchildren. He worries, he said, that they are poised to inherit an intractably troubled world.

"Let's face it, the world is in a mess," he said. "Horace Mann, a great educator, once said, ' Be ashamed to die before you do something for humanity,' and as I get older, I see how correct that is."

The writer, Rebecca Spence, is a staff reporter at the Forward.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The 2 Minute Haggadah Service

A PASSOVER SERVICE FOR THE IMPATIENT....

(The infamous 2 MINUTE HAGGADAH)

Opening Prayer

Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine).

Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley).

Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we are free. That's why we're doing this.

Four Questions:

1. What's up with the matzah?

2. What's the deal with the horseradish?

3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?

4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Four Answers:

1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.

2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.

3. It's called symbolism.

4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story:

Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:

Wise Child--Explain Passover.

Simple child--Explain Passover slowly.

Silent child--Explain Passover loudly.

Wicked child--Browbeat in front of the relatives (not really-just give them "the look". They know who they are).

Speaking of children:

We hide some Matzah. We call it the "afikomen". Whoever finds it gets 5 bucks (or whatever you pick up in the $ store). Some people call it "the gift for sitting through the seder".

The story of Passover:

It's was a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh was a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues(really bad stuff) upon the Egyptians. We escape,& bake some matzah, then head for the desert. The Egyptians chase us. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through, the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues:

Blood, Frogs, Lice--you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu"(which means "enough").

If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If He'd punished our enemies, and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough. If he'd parted the Red Sea-------ETC..... (Remove the gefilte fish from the refrigerator now.)

Eat Matzah, Drink more wine, Slouch.

Thanks again, God, for everything.

(Serve meal). Enjoy!!!!

If your child, grandchild or any little one is celebrating their "FIRST PASSOVER' - Think about getting our FIRST PASSOVER BIB from http://www.Names2u.com/catalog/index.php?cPath=67_157 That's my gift to you for sitting through the seder politely & the week of indigestion that follows :)

Sharon Blumenthal
The Present Pro

http:Names2u.com

Friday, March 27, 2009

Passover- You've got to love this.

Everybody seems to be celebrating Passover this year of 5769.Will it help us? Certainly has merit if true. Seems everyone is getting into the Act.

THE RED SOX HOME OPENER, THIS YEAR, WILL BE POSTPONED FOR PASSOVER.
RED SOX GENERAL MANAGER - THEO EPSTEIN ANNOUNCED THAT THE BOSTON RED SOX HOME OPENER WILL BE POSTPONED TO APRIL 14TH... TO AVOID THE 8 DAYS OF THE PASSOVER HOLIDAY ...
HE NOTED, BECAUSE 3 OF HIS STARTERS WERE JEWISH AS WERE HIS BOX SEAT HOLDERS, HE WAS FORCED TO MAKE THIS CHANGE IN SCHEDULING.
THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL COMPLAINTS FROM FANS, WHO ARE ENRAGED AT EPSTEIN'S DECISION....

IN FACT, PROTESTS ARE BEING TENDERED TO THE COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL'S OFFICE. HOWEVER, BUD SELIG - COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ADDRESS THESE PROTESTS; MAINLY DUE TO A SCHEDULING PROBLEM. THIS HAS BEEN CAUSED BY THE FAMILY SEDERS HE AND MRS SELIG WILL BE ATTENDING.
YES, THIS IS AN AMAZING COUNTRY. (I LOVE IT!)

ALSO, UNABLE TO ATTEND THE OPENER:
AL GORE AND TIPPER, HIS WIFE, WILL BE UNAVAILABLE AS THEY WILL ATTEND SEDER AT THEIR SON IN LAW'S HOME.

BILL AND HILARY CLINTON WILL BE ATTENDING THE SEDER AT THE HOME OF THEIR DAUGHTER CHELSEA 'S 'STEADY.'

IN ADDITION, EX MAYOR OF NYC, RUDY GUILIANI... WHOSE WIFE WILL BE BUSY PREPARING THEIR SEDER.

AND FINALLY THE OBAMAS MAY BE OUT OF TOWN ENJOYING A SEDER AT MICHELLE'S COUSIN'S HOUSE, THE RABBI CAPERS FUNNYE.

Capers C. Funnye Jr. (pronounced fun-AY; born c. 1952) is a Jewish African-American who is the head rabbi of his mostly African-American 200 membership

YES THIS IS AN AMAZING COUNTRY - YOU JUST HAVE TO LOVE IT !


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Friday, January 16, 2009

Our New White House

Our New White House

So far we have:

Rahm Emanuel - Chief of Staff - Jewish

David Axelrod - Senior Advisor to the President - Jewish

Ronald Klain - Chief of Staff to the Vice President of the United States - Jewish

Larry Summers - Economic Advisor to the President - Jewish

Paul Volcker - Economic Advisor to the President, Former Head of Fed Reserve - Jewish

Tim Geithner - Treasury Secetary - Jewish

Peter Orszag - Head of Budget - Jewish

Am I the only one noticing that Obama and Biden are not so much assembling staff, as gathering a minyan? - Smart Guys :)

Friday, January 9, 2009

The Western Wall

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out.

She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" "Morris Fishbien," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all of our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a..... wall."

A joke..... maybe.....maybe not........