Morris was a smart man.....

Morris Rabinowitz


In 1936, Morris Rabinowitz fled his native Germany. He sold his assets and made five sets of solid gold teeth with his cash, well above the limit he could bring into the U.S.

When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have five sets of gold teeth. So Morris explained: "Jews who keep kosher have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products, but, I am so religious I also have separate sets of teeth."
The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"

“Very religious Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but, I am so Orthodox have separate teeth for Passover meat and for Passover dairy food...."

The customs official shook his head and said, "You must be a man of very strong faith to have separate teeth for meat and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"

Morris looked around and spoke softly. "To tell you the truth," he said, "once in a while I like a ham sandwich."

Difference between Jews & Muslims

Subject: DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JEWS AND MUSLIMS

Now that the whole world is in a frenzy because Israel over reacted to a
deliberate baited provocation by Muslims. It is well that we once again
review the humanitarian accomplishments of the two faiths.

The DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JEWS AND MUSLIMS

The global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000; that is ONE
THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED MILLION or 20% of the world's population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:
1988 - Najib Mahfooz

Peace:
1978 - Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat
1990 - Elias James Corey
1994 - Yaser Arafat:
1999 - Ahmed Zewai

Economics:
(zero)


Physics:
(zero)

Medicine:
1960 - Peter Brian Medawar
1998 - Ferid Mourad

TOTAL: 7 SEVEN


The global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000; only FOURTEEN
MILLION or about 0.02% of the world's population.
They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:
1910 - Paul Heyse
1927 - Henri Bergson
1958 - Boris Pasternak
1966 - Shmuel Yosef Agnon
1966 - Nelly Sachs
1976 - Saul Bellow
1978 - Isaac Bashevis Singer
1981 - Elias Canetti
1987 - Joseph Brodsky
1991 - Nadine Gordimer World

Peace:
1911 - Alfred Fried
1911 - Tobias Michael Carel Asser
1968 - Rene Cassin
1973 - Henry Kissinger
1978 - Menachem Begin
1986 - Elie Wiesel
1994 - Shimon Peres
1994 - Yitzhak Rabin

Physics:
1905 - Adolph Von Baeyer
1906 - Henri Moissan
1907 - Albert Abraham Michelson
1908 - Gabriel Lippmann
1910 - Otto Wallach
1915 - Richard Willstaetter
1918 - Fritz Haber
1921 - Albert Einstein
1922 - Niels Bohr
1925 - James Franck
1925 - Gustav Hertz
1943 - Gustav Stern
1943 - George Charles de Hevesy
1944 - Isidor Issac Rabi
1952 - Felix Bloch
1954 - Max Born
1958 - Igor Tamm
1959 - Emilio Segre
1960 - Donald A. Glaser
1961 - Robert Hofstadter
1961 - Melvin Calvin
1962 - Lev Davidovich Landau
1962 - Max Ferdinand Perutz
1965 - Richard Phillips Feynman
1965 - Julian Schwinger
1969 - Murray Gell-Mann
1971 - Dennis Gabor
1972 - William Howard Stein
1973 - Brian David Josephson
1975 - Ben jamin Mottleson
1976 - Burton Richter
1977 - Ilya Prigogine
1978 - Arno Allan Penzias
1978 - Peter L Kapitza
1979 - Stephen Weinberg
1979 - Sheldon Glashow
1979 - Herbert Charles Brown
1980 - Paul Berg
1980 - Walter Gilbert
1981 - Roald Hoffmann
1982 - Aaron Klug
1985 - Albert A. Hauptman
1985 - Jerome Karle
1986 - Dudley R. Herschbach
1988 - Robert Huber
1988 - Leon Lederman
1988 - Melvin Schwartz
1988 - Jack Steinberger
1989 - Sidney Altman
1990 - Jerome Friedman
1992 - Rudolph Marc us
1995 - Martin Perl
2000 - Alan J. Heeger

Economics:
1970 - Paul Anthony Samuelson
1971 - Si Mon Kuznets
1972 - Kenneth Joseph Arrow
1975 - Leonid Kantorovich
1976 - Milton Friedman
1978 - Herbert A. Si Mon
1980 - Lawrence Robert Klein
1985 - Franco Modigliani
1987 - Robert M. Solow
1990 - Harry Mark owitz
1990 - Merton Miller
1992 - Gary Becker
1993 - Robert Fogel

Medicine:
1908 - Elie Metchnikoff
1908 - Paul Erlich
1914 - Robert Barany
1922 - Otto Meyerhof
1930 - Karl Landsteiner
1931 - Otto Warburg
1936 - Otto Loewi
1944 - Joseph Erlanger
1944 - Herbert Spencer Gasser
1945 - Ernst Boris Chain
1946 - Hermann Joseph Muller
1950 - Tadeus Reichstein
1952 - Selman Abraham Waksman
1953 - Hans Krebs
1953 - Fritz Albert Lipmann
1958 - Joshua Lederberg
1959 - Arthur Kornberg
1964 - Konrad Bloch
1965 - Francois Jacob
1965 - Andre Lwoff
1967 - George Wald
1968 - Marshall W. Nirenberg
1969 - Salvador Luria
1970 - Julius Axelrod
1970 - Si r Bernard Katz
1972 - Gerald Maurice Edelman
1975 - Howard Martin Temin
1976 - Baruch S. Blumberg
1977 - Roselyn Sussman Yalow
1978 - Daniel Nathans
1980 - Baruj Ben acerraf
1984 - Cesar Milstein
1985 - Michael Stuart Brown
1985 - Joseph L. Goldstein
1986 - Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini]
1988 - Gertrude Elion
1989 - Harold Varmus
1991 - Erwin Neher
1991 - Bert Sakmann
1993 - Richard J. Roberts
1993 - Phillip Sharp
1994 - Alfred Gilman
1995 - Edward B. Lewis
1996- Lu Rose Iacovino
TOTAL: 129!


The Jews are NOT brain washing children in military training camps,
teaching them how to blow themselves up and causing maximum deaths of Jews
and other non Muslims! The Jews don't hijack planes, nor kill athletes at
the Olympics, or blow themselves up in German restaurants.
There is NOT one single Jew that has destroyed a church. There is NOT a
single Jew that protests by killing people.

The Jews don't traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for death to all the
Infidels.

Perhaps the world's Muslims should consider investing more in standard
education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems.

Muslims must ask 'what can they do for humankind' before they demand that
humankind respects them!!

Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and their Arab
neighbors, even if you believe there is more blame on Israel 's part, the
following two sentences really say it all:

'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence.
If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more
Israel '. Benjamin Netanyahu

General Eisenhower Warned Us
It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied
Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he
ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from
surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury
the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect:

'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses -because
somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that
this never happened'

Recently, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school
curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which claims it never
occurred. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is
gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.
This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the, 6 million
Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic priests
who were 'murdered, raped, burned, starved, beat, experimented on and
humiliated' while the German people looked the other way!

Now, more than ever, with Iran , among others, claiming the Holocaust to be
'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.


How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center 'NEVER
HAPPENED' because it offends some Muslim in the United States ?

Perceptions of Jews by Some Renowned Gentiles

Perceptions of Jews by Some Renowned Gentiles

#1"Some people like the Jews, and some do not. But no thoughtful man candeny the fact that they are, beyond any question, the most formidableand the most remarkable race which has appeared in the world."-- Winston Churchill

#2"The Jew is that sacred being who has brought down from heaven theeverlasting fire, and has illumined with it the entire world. He is thereligious source, spring, and fountain out of which all the rest of thepeoples have drawn their beliefs and their religions."-- Leo Tolstoy

#3"It was in vain that we locked them up for several hundred years behindthe walls of the Ghetto. No sooner were their prison gates unbarred thanthey easily caught up with us, even on those paths which we opened up without their aid."-- A. A. Leroy Beaulieu, French publicist, 1842

#4"The Jew gave us the Outside and the Inside - our outlook and our inner life. We can hardly get up in the morning or cross the street without being Jewish. We dream Jewish dreams and hope Jewish hopes. Most of our best words, in fact - new, adventure, surprise, unique, individual, person, vocation, time, history, future, freedom, progress, spirit, faith, hope, justice - are the gifts of the Jews."-- Thomas Cahill, Irish Author

#5"One of the gifts of the Jewish culture to Christianity is that it has taught Christians to think like Jews, and any modern man who has not learned to think as though he were a Jew can hardly be said to have learned to think at all."-- William Rees-Mogg, former Editor-in-Chief for The Times of London and a member of the House of Lords

#6"It is certain that in certain parts of the world we can see a peculiar people, separated from the other peoples of the world and this is called the Jewish people.....This people is not only of remarkable antiquity but has also lasted for a singular long time... For whereas the people of Greece and Italy, of Sparta, Athens and Rome and others who came so much later have perished so long ago, these still exist, despite the efforts of so many powerful kings who have tried a hundred times to wipe them out, as their historians testify, and as can easily be judged by the natural order of things over such a long spell of years. They have always been preserved, however, and their preservation was foretold... My encounter with this people amazes me..."-- Blaise Pascal, French Mathematics

#7"The Jewish vision became the prototype for many similar grand designs for humanity, both divine and man made The Jews, herefore, stand at the center of the perennial attempt to give human life the dignity of a purpose."--Paul Johnson, American Historian

#8"As long as the world lasts, all who want to make progress in righteousness will come to Israel for inspiration as to the people who had the sense for righteousness most glowing and strongest."--Matthew Arnold, British poet and critic

#9"Indeed it is difficult for all other nations of the world to live in the presence of the Jews. It is irritating and most uncomfortable. The Jews embarrass the world as they have done things which are beyond the imaginable. They have become moral strangers since the day theirforefather, Abraham, introduced the world to high ethical standards and to the fear of Heaven. They brought the world the Ten Commandments, which many nations prefer to defy. They violated the rules of history by staying alive, totally at odds with common sense and historicalevidence. They outlived all their former enemies, including vast empires such as the Romans and the Greeks. They angered the world with their return to their homeland after 2000 years of exile and after the murder of six million of their brothers and sisters.They aggravated mankind by building, in the wink of an eye, a democratic State which others were not able to create in even hundreds of years They built living monuments such as the duty to be holy and the privilege to serve one's fellow men.They had their hands in every human progressive endeavor, whether in science, medicine, psychology or any other discipline, while totally out of proportion to their actual numbers. They gave the world the Bible and even their "savior."Jews taught the world not to accept the world as it is, but to transform it, yet only a few nations wanted to listen. Moreover, the Jews introduced the world to one God, yet only a minority wanted to draw the moral consequences. So the nations of the world realize thatthey would have been lost without the Jews.. And while their subconscious trie s to remind them of how much of Western civilizations framed in terms of concepts first articulated by the Jews, they do nything to suppress it.They deny that Jews remind them of a higher purpose of life and the need to be honorable, and do anything to escape its consequences It is simply too much to handle for them, too embarrassing to admit, and above all, too difficult to live by.So the nations of the world decided once again to go out of 'their' way in order to find a stick to hit the Jews. The goal: to prove that Jews are as immoral and guilty of massacre and genocide as some of they themselves are.All this in order to hide and justify their own failure to even protest when six million Jews were brought to the slaughterhouses of Auschwitz and Dachau; so as to wipe out the moral conscience of which the Jews remind them, and they found a stick.Nothing could be more gratifying for them than to find the Jews in a struggle with another people (who are completely terrorized by their own leaders) against whom the Jews, against their best wishes, have to defend themselves in order to survive. With great satisfaction, theworld allows and initiates the rewriting of history so as to fuel the rage of yet another people against the Jews. This in spite of the fact that the nations understand very well that peace between the parties could have come a long time ago, if only the Jews would have had a fairchance. Instead, they happily jumped on the wagon of hate so as to justify their jealousy of the Jews and their incompetence to deal with their own moral issues.When Jews look at the bizarre play taking place in The Hague , they can only smile as this artificial game once more proves how the world paradoxically admits the Jews uniqueness.
It is in their need to undermine the Jews that they actually raise them.The study of history of Europe during the past centuries teaches us one uniform lesson: That the nations which received and in any way dealt fairly and mercifully with the Jew have prospered; and that the nations that have tortured and oppressed them have written out their own curse."--Olive Schreiner, South African novelist and social activist

#10"If there is any honor in all the world that I should like, it would be to be an honorary Jewish citizen."--A.L Rowse, authority on Shakespeare

The Jewish Zodiac

CHICKEN SOUP 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003 You're a healer, nourishing all whom you encounter. We feel better just being in your presence. Mothers want to bring you home to meet their children: resist this at all costs. Compatible with Bagel and Knish.

EGG CREAM 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004 You've got a devious personality since you're made with neither eggs nor cream. Friends find your pranks refreshing; others think you’re too frothy. Compatible with Blintz, who also has something to hide.

CHOPPED LIVER 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969,1981, 1993, 2005 People either love you or hate you, making you wonder "what am I, chopped liver?" But don’t get a complex, you're always welcome at the holidays! Bagel's got your backside.

BLINTZ 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006 Creamy and dreamy, you're rightfully cautious to travel in pairs. You play it coy but word is with the right topping you turnover morning, noon and night. Compatible with Schmear.

LATKE 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007 Working class with a grating exterior, you’re a real softie on the inside. Kinda plain naked but when dressed up you’re a real dish. Compatible with Schmear’s cousin Sour Cream.

BAGEL1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008 You’re pliable and always bounce back, although you feel something's missing in your center. If this persists, get some therapy. Compatible with Schmear and Lox. Latke and Knish, not so much.

PICKLE 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009 You’re the perfect sidekick: friends love your salty wit and snappy banter but you never overshadow them. That shows genuine seasoning from when you were a cucumber. Marry a Pastrami later in life.

SCHMEAR 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010 You blend well with others but often spread yourself too thin. A smooth operator, you could use some spicing up now and then. Compatible with Bagel and Lox. Avoid Pastrami - wouldn't be kosher.

PASTRAMI 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011 Brisket's hipper sibling, always smokin' and ready to party. You spice up life even if you keep your parents up at night. Compatible with Pickle, who's always by your side.

BLACK AND WHITE 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012 Kids love you but make up your mind! Are you black or white? Cake or cookie? You say you’re "New Age," all yin & yang. We call it "bi-polar." Sweetie, you're most compatible with yourself.

KNISH 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013 Flaky on the surface, you're actually a person of depth and substance. Consider Medical or Law School but don't get too wrapped up in yourself. Compatible with Pickle. Avoid Lox, who's out of your league.

LOX 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014 Thin and rich, you're very high maintenance: all you want to do is bask in the heat getting some color. Consider retiring to Boca. Compatible with Bagel and Schmear although you top them both.

Being Jewish?

Being Jewish ?
Q: What is a Jewish ménage-a-troisA: Two headaches and an erection.

Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?A: He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked

Q: What business is a yenta in?A: Yours.

Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?A: They put them in the car.

Q: What is the technical term for a divorced Jewish woman?A: Plaintiff

Q: What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long?A: Nothing at all

Q: Define "genius"A: An average student with a Jewish mother

Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?A: A fur coat

Q: What do you call the nipple on a Jewish wife's breast?A: The tip of the iceberg

Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman? A: A Mercedes 550SL convertible

Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget what she forgave."

One of life's mysteries - how a 2 Ib. box of chocolates can make a Jewish woman gain 5 lbs.
Another of life's mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing; then they marry him.

A Bar Mitzvah is defined as the day when a Jewish boy comes to realize that he is more likely to own a professional sports team than he is to play for one.

The Jewish Buddha

Sayings of the Jewish Buddha


If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself. The Buddha says, There is no self. So ... maybe we're off the hook?