Beautiful Song of  Shabbas (Simon& Garfunkel style)

Perfectly adapted - If you like Simon & Garfunkel's Sounds of Silence, you'll love this 2-minute music video.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7f00_wBxPM&feature=player_embedded

A Jewish couple in London won twenty-million pounds in the lottery. They bought a magnificent mansion in Knights-bridge and surrounded themselves with all the material wealth imaginable.

They decided to hire a butler. They found the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very British, and brought him back to their home.

The day after his arrival, he was instructed to set up the dining table for four, as they were inviting the Cohen’s to lunch. The couple then left the house to do some shopping .

When they returned, they found the table set for eight. Perplexed, they asked the butler why it was set for eight when they had expressly asked him to set it for four.

The butler replied,

"The Cohen’s telephoned and said they were bringing the Blintzes and the Knishes."

Happy Passover !!!!!

Have a Happy, HEALTHY Pesach  !!!!!

To Whom Does The Land of Israel Belong?

An Israeli with a sense of humor at UN has set the record straight.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.

A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!'

So, Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't even there then.'

The Israeli representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech..'.

FW: FIRST JEWISH BROADCAST - 1944 (during WW2 from Nazi Germany)

This is very touching piece of history to watch


The First Jewish Broadcast 1944
This is an incredible broadcast.
Just put your speakers on and you are in for a very special experience.

Click Here: Israel News - The First Jewish Broadcast On Nazi Soil - 1944 Infolive.Tv

What It Means To Be Jewish

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE JEWISH......

As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on which you must starve and days on which you must overeat. Many Jews observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually purified, you definitely aren't. Though there are many feasts and fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking. Note: Unlike Christians, who simply attend church on special days (e.g. Ash Wednesday), on Jewish holidays most Jews take the whole day off.
This is because Jews, for historical and personal reasons, are more stressed out.

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:
Rosh Hashanah ---- Feast
Tzom Gedalia ----- Fast
Yom Kippur ------- More fasting
Sukkot ----------- Feast for a week
Hashanah Rabbah -- More feasting
Simchat Torah ---- Keep right on feasting
Month of Heshvan - No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Oy veh!
Hanukkah --------- Eat potato pancakes and donuts
Tenth of Tevet --- Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B'Shevat ------ Feast
Fast of Esther --- Fast
Purim ------------ Eat pastry
Passover --------- Do not eat pastry for a week
Shavuot ---------- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes, etc.)
17th of Tammuz --- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tish B'Av -------- Serious fast (don't even think about cheesecake or blintzes) Month of Elul ---- End of cycle.
Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.

There are many forms of Judaism:
Cardiac Judaism ------ In my heart I am a Jew.
Gastronomic Judaism -- We eat Jewish foods.
Pocketbook Judaism --- I give to Jewish causes.
Drop-off Judaism ----- Drop the kids off at Sunday School; then go out to breakfast.
Twice a Year Judaism - Attend services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

You know you grew up Jewish when:
-You did not respond to the teacher calling roll on the first day of school because you thought your name was "Princess".
-You've had at least one female relative who drew eyebrows on her face that were always asymmetrical.
-You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef "brisket." --Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.
-Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.
-You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates & forks trying to get to a deli tray.
-You thought pasta was the stuff used exclusively for kugel and kasha with bowties.
-You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.
-You were as tall as your grandmother by age seven.
-You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 6 standard suffixes (-man,-witz, -berg, -stein, -blatt or -baum).
-You grew up and were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.
-You can look at gefilte fish without turning green.
-You grew up thinking there was a fish called lox.
-You can understand some Yiddish but you can't speak it.
-You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean...Is that kenahurra or is that kaninehurra?.
-You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor.
-You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door if you were in there for longer than 3 minutes.
-You have at least six male relatives named Michael or David.
-Your grandparent's furniture smelled like mothballs, was covered in plastic and was as comfortable as sitting on sandpaper.

May you have a day full of mazel and shalom!

Morris was a smart man.....

Morris Rabinowitz


In 1936, Morris Rabinowitz fled his native Germany. He sold his assets and made five sets of solid gold teeth with his cash, well above the limit he could bring into the U.S.

When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have five sets of gold teeth. So Morris explained: "Jews who keep kosher have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products, but, I am so religious I also have separate sets of teeth."
The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"

“Very religious Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but, I am so Orthodox have separate teeth for Passover meat and for Passover dairy food...."

The customs official shook his head and said, "You must be a man of very strong faith to have separate teeth for meat and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"

Morris looked around and spoke softly. "To tell you the truth," he said, "once in a while I like a ham sandwich."